I Am Completely Green With Envy!

This will probably have me in tears...! #greenwithenvy http://youtu.be/6CloKbXtD28 or

Malibu Drinkers Like Nice Nails..?

So if I buy two Cranberry Coolers I get s free nail varnish... I have had a professional manicure before (in Thailand) but that's because I didn't have my nail care tools with me. What makes then think that I, like any other Malibu drinker, wants a free mail varnish...?

What Month Is It? What City Am I In?

Sitting in so pub over lunch today preparing for my next meeting near Buckingham Palace and I overhear one guy talking about how much he is looking forward to going up to the Edinburgh Festival and about his escapades last year when he mixed up when he was supposed to arrive in the flat he rented in Morningside. Later in the evening the MC for the Recruiter Awards is confirmed to be Dara O'brien and I get a few minutes with him after the show, begging him to do a full month back in Edinburgh (he's recording a DVD in the Playhouse though) and talking about some other comics who are coming (like Dave Gorman!). Have I jumped forward 3 months? This behaviour is usually reserved for August..!

Half Of You Scots Should Be Ashamed, Especially You*

What a Cinco de Mayo it was yesterday! In Scotland we had the most important day in several years... Election Day. Sadly it seems that there was less than 50% turnout *despite* the fact that every vote counts in Scotland. Unlike last year's Westminster elections, where (not my) Darling won by a very healthy majority in my area, this year my vote actually 'counts' as we have full on Proportional Representation (way better than the half-arsed AV and by comparison it makes First Past The Post look nothing like democracy!). Yet despite this, and more powers being devolved to Holyrood in the next 12 months, people still didn't vote. Even someone who voted in all of the elevations in the last 8 years, in person, by post and once by proxy (!), didn't vote as they never updated their registered address. Disappointing... Still, they can't complain as they chose to mute their only voice that would have been heard.

* It's not hard to work out who I'm talking about!

Tesco Sell Single Use TVs for £400!

It seems Tesco are now viewing 40' TVs are impulse items, given this display one the first aisle of their giant Extra store. What better reason to buy a new TV than the fact that it's 'ideal for watching the royal wedding on'...?  Stop the world, I want to get off now...

Another New Cocktail Invented By Yours Truly!

For all the people out there who aren't big gin fans (how could anyone not love Blackwoods...?), this is for you.  Take a whisky glass, add a shot of vodka, a shot of lime, squeeze in a quarter of lime and lace the rim with its juice, top with (Slimline) tonic.  There you have a refreshing drink that takes the best of vodka, lime and soda and merges it with the best of gin and tonic.  The name of this sure-fire hit for the summer...?  VLT (as in vodka, lime & tonic, sort of...)

I Want You, I Don't Know If I Need You...

Let's hope there's a but coming and she'd "...die to find out".
One things for sure, she's sweet like drinking

NB:  Had to change it from "sweet like a chica cherry cola" as it was confusing too many people.  Either way Savage Garden still rock!

15 Years Ago We Lost The Boys From London

In a pre-internet proliferation age, the death of two icons sadly happened just over 15 years ago, on 21st January 1996, and sadly the world did not seem to know.  This morning I learnt of the passing of Edem Ephraim and Dennis Fuller, better known as the London Boys, due to a drunk driver trying to overtake on the wrong side of the road in the Austrian Alps.  This Requiem is for you both.  Never gonna get enough...  In fact your album was the first album I ever bought (as a record obviously).  Let's hear about London Nights one more time...

Fast Car = No Respect For Emergency Services?

I've got a fast car, I'm gonna drive it anywhere... But I'm wondering if this person actually respects the Emergency Services? Or is he just pro-European and wants us to use 112?

A Healthy, Sugar-Free 'Juice' Drink

For some reason Irn Bru is deciding to advertise in Scotland. England (through the Super League) I get, but Scotland? They've also decided to re-brand their Diet version to Sugar-Free, probably to make it clear it is the healthier option. Shame then that they use Scottish slang describing it as a 'can of juice'. What exactly did you juice (verb) to get that liquid, girders..? No wonder Scotland has health issues when the slang terms are being endorsed through advertising.

The Best Design Of Plastic Water Bottles

Simply take the usefulness of expensive aluminium containers and in turn make a very cool cap for a one litre bottle. Well done Grupo Damm, the guys behind Estrella lager!

Someone's Car Needs Somebody...

This car needs somebody, but ideally not a Police Officer...

How I Decorate The Table For A Chinese Takeaway

I know what you are thinking, but the only person I am trying to impress tonight is me! So no change there then... Still, it beats putting older roses straight in the bin!

Fire Safety Can Be Practical Too

Are you frustrated with a large fire resistant door that auto-closes and a sign reading 'Fire Door Keep Closed' that just doesn't look cool when opened and potentially puts your customers at risk? Then why not wedge it open with a matching fire extinguisher? Remember, fire kills but subverting fire saftey can look stylish...

The New And Original Bulmers Is Berry Good

The real Bulmers (known as Magners in the UK, read why here) has a great new flavour out in Ireland called Berry. It's made of raspberries and strawberries, plus apples of course. Strangely though the Irish haven't experienced the Golden Draft slightly sweeter less tart version we have.

Is Hanging (In A Modern Art Galley) Too Good For Me?

I guess that's the question ever self-obsessed egotist has to ask, is my art hanging in the National Gallery of Ireland too good for me? Probably not. So here is my first entry, currently hanging in the Moderns exhibit celebrating modern art. It's simply called 'Future'.

Where Is Gate 8 In Edinburgh Airport?

Short answer, it doesn't exist! For some bizarre unknown reason, Edinburgh Airport does not have a gate numbered 8. It has a 13 which is usually a superstitious number but as you can see from this picture, it goes Gate 7 then 9 (and the other side of the building is Security checkpoints. In all seriousness I emailed them asking why but no one has ever bothered to reply... Can anyone think of a good reason to omit Gate 8?

I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Badge...

I don't really like discussing the potential thorny issue of football online, it's too emotive.  Politics and religion are fine, but football is more important than them...  Anyway, Torres has calmly said he has only ever been an Atletico Madrid fan and that he's never kissed the Liverpool badge.  Fair enough, sound logic, if only the guys over the pond at Bleacher Report hadn't posted this video capture of you kissing the famous badge it would have been believable...

Image linked from Bleacher Report.com

In Sports Reporting, Britons Win And Scots Lose

I have a Scottish friend who is thrilled that Andy Murray has made it through to his third Grand Slam final as he has a real chance of winning it for the first time.  But he's not such a huge tennis fan so why all the excitement?  Rumour has it that Andy Murray is a Scot, although official he is described as "Britain's Andy Murray".  So we know which country he technically belongs to in Tennis terms, but is he actually a Scot or a Briton?  Looking at the BBC's coverage it clearly said that "The Briton, seeded fifth, won" and made it through to the final.  Case closed, the Briton won!  But then again, what about his earlier games and any reflections on how he got on in last year's final?  Just 10 days earlier it seems Andy Murray is "The Scot, who lost to Roger Federer in the 2010 final".  So if it's about his stellar performances and victories he is a Briton, but if we are talking about loses or opponents giving up injured he is a Scot.  No sub-text to be read there, is there BBC?  I guess in the battle between national identities in sport, all's fair in 'love' and war...

A Menu Photo Is Only A Serving Suggestion... WTF!

Me: is that burger the one that comes with onion rings on? Either way can I get onion rings on it please?

Bar Zero9 in Bristol International Airport manager helping his staff out as it's busy: No sir, we don't do onion rings.

Me (smiling in ironic amusement): You know your menu has a photo of onion rings on your burger?

Bar Zero9 manager: Yes sir, that's just as it normally is, a serving suggestion.

Me (internally): What the F--k! I'm supposed to buy me meal in an eat-in only bar and take it home and add onion rings? Or am I supposed to smuggle some freshly fried battered onion rings through security to add them to this misleadingly advertised burger? It's not worth educating him, just go and take your pint of Amstel back to your table and you can blog about it to make you feel better.