Happy St Andrew's Day from the Skies!

A picture says a thousand words...

Imported Japanese Beer From Canada!?! WTF...

Sigh.  I see the lovely Japanese lager Sapporo on sale in Tesco with the glorious words on the front "Imported".  Wonderful, so happy!  Then I look at the back (because I'm a curious monkie [sic]) and I see that it's brewed in Canada.  Why?!  Sad face. [Side note: This was first published on Google+ ... are you on there?]

Tesco Breaks (Galaxy) Promise - More Dodgy Deals

Sigh. I always looked at the SEL (shelf edge labels) when i put them out. Are the people across the UK in Tesco mere automatons? Galaxy Promises in Caramel or Truffle, £1.50 each or 2 for £4...

Google Maps Has Been Rigged ... Thankfully!

Google are altering their search results - and I have proof!  Thankfully this is a good thing though.  A wishing-to-be-anonymous frien-d on-line forward me an email he sent through to Google Maps about their auto-complete of the location of the horrific massacre by Anders Behring Breivik.  Entering "utoeya, norway" autocompletes to 'Did you mean: utopia, norway'.  Eep.  Thankfully Google acted relatively swiftly and it now corrects to 'Did you mean: utoya, norway' and links to Utøya.

Couldn't Decide What To Wear Today...

Do you ever have one of those days? Which colour body paint should I put on...?

Government Sponsored Graffiti For Youths Too Young To Remember

Now this is an urban adventure in advertising, graffiti trying to reach youths who are too young to remember (or is that the advertising agency?). Simple message - don't choose a knife, choose life. Putting it on a pavement is the only redeeming feature about this campaign though as the fuller message (on the bus stop posters) shows a guy who had a job and a girlfriend (which might lead to a career and a family). So I guess the full message is choose life, choose a job, choose a career, choose a family, choose a fucking big television, don't choose something else (or a derivative ad campaign)...

Me and Ryan Gosling Out In London

Hello Ladies! Drive star and shortly The Ides Of March star Ryan Gosling (lookalike Andy Regent) and me are out on the town! He does a really good Middlesbrough accent ;)

Save The Environment - Get Your Milk In Plastic Bags!

I thought supermarkets were trying to reduce their plastic bag usage? Then it comes as a bit of a surprise that J Sainsbury are promoting milk in plastic bags! Oh yeah, imagine the mess and leaks and fun stomping in one..! How long will they last..?

Live In Edinburgh? Fly From Aberdeen To London For Business!

What a great idea easyJet has. Advertise their flights that may suit business travellers in Edinburgh. For example lots of people want to fly into London so it'll be really easy for them to get the flight from Aberdeen (ABZ) that gets in at 10.15. Now you may say 10.15 into Gatwick is hardly good for business travellers, but you have to remember that it'll take around four hours to get to Aberdeen from Edinburgh on a good day...

Tesco Wishes It Could Be Christmas Everyday

This is wrong. Just like the Easter Eggs in Costco I saw on Boxing Day, Christmas Gifts over a month before Hallowe'en is wrong! On the other hand, where are the seasonal pretzels..?

On Your Marks for the Singaporean F1 Grand Prix

Behold, the start-finish line for the Singaporean F1GP! If you look closely in my shades, you'll notice that the eagle-eyed photographer (or should that be owl-eyed?) managed to catch the reflection of the line in them!  FWIW it was approaching 40°C that day, no wonder the have the race at night!

Laser Eye Surgery Gives You Laser Vision?

What exactly are Optical Express suggesting in their hyperbolic advert? Over 99% of our patients achieved 20/20 vision *or better* ...! I've got perfect vision but I'd go in for the surgery if it gave me superior vision! X-ray vision? Laser beams? Permanent beer goggles?! I need to know...

Marketing GOLD - It's All Lies!

Is there anything more I need to say, other than appreciate the brilliance of this marketing campaign for Kellog's Squares. "Buy Two - Get A Free Boat. It's all lies - they're not even square!". Absolute GOLD!

It's Over For Another 339 Days - The Best Of EdFringe

Phew, 60 shows and I'm spent!  Now a quick recap of what you may have missed during the Edinburgh Comedy Festival (well, Fringe) 2011.  Two shows managed to achieve perfection, 10/10 or a ranking-busting 6 stars, and they were The Pajama Men with The Road To No One and Adam Riches with Bring Me The Head Of Adam Riches (winner of the main Foster's Comedy Award). It was simply an honour to witness these acts of pure greatness.

Next up at the 9/10 or a full conventional 5 stars mark were Glenn Wool - No Man's Land; Sam Simmons - Meanwhile; and Idiots Of Ants - Model Citizens.  Honourable mentions go out to the higher 8/10s (traditional 4 stars) Nick Helm - Dare To Dream; Sammy J - Potentially; Randy (Heath McIvor) - Randy Is Sober; and Bridget Christie - Housewife Surrealist.  Those are my top 15%, feel free to share yours...

The Best Venue At The Fringe Is The Pleasance Upstairs

What a venue! It's on top of a busy kitchen and on warm days it is punnishingly hot. So why is it the Best Venue at the Edinburgh Fringe? Well it hosts both the Best Comedy Show winner Adam Riches *and* Best Newcomer winner Humphrey Ker (plus other Best Newcomer nominee Hannibal Buress). Usually this venue hosts a Best Show nominee, last year it was Greg Davies, but both winners in he same venue?! Maybe they could afford to put in some AC for next year...

Adam Riches Rightly Wins The Foster's Comedy Award 2011

The riot is cancelled, the injustice from last year's snub has been fixed (just like for Phil Nichol) as Adam Riches is the winner of the Best Comedy Show for Edinburgh 2011! All hail King Adam! FWIW he should have been the Runner Up in 2009 losing to The Pajama Men's Last Stand To Reason.

And The Best Newcomer Is... Humphrey Ker

For his show Dymock Watson: Nazi Smasher! Thankfully I have tickets to see his now Award Winning show on Monday :)

Edinburgh Comedy Award Nominees & New Predictions

And so, three hours later than expected, five hours after the meeting started (drawn your own conclusions) the nominees for the Foster's Edinburgh Comedy Award are out!  6 names are up for the Best Show, 8 are up for Best Newcomer (from a panel of 10 - did they more-a-less pick one each!?).  Here we go...

Best Comedy Show:
* Adam Riches - Bring Me The Head Of Adam Riches (has to be the hot favourite)
* Andrew Maxwell - The Lights Are On
* Chris Ramsey - Offermation
* Josie Long - The Future Is Another Place
* Nick Helm - Dare to Dream
* Sam Simmons - Meanwhile

According to Chortle, only Adam Riches received 5 stars, the others got 4 stars.  Now I know this is a panel decision and they will have to reach consensus, but seriously, after two years of being overlooked it just *has* to be Adam Riches, much like Phil Nichol *had* to win (a year later than he should) with The Naked Racist.

On to the Best Newcomer, where the highest rated shows are:
* Cariad Lloyd - Lady Cariad’s Characters
* Josh Widdicombe - If This Show Saves One Life
* Humphrey Ker - Dymock Watson: Nazi Smasher!
* Hannibal Buress - My Name is Hannibal

After which we have good, solid 3 star shows (nominated newcomers frequently get 3 stars on Chortle, look back over the years):
* Holly Walsh - The Hollycopter
* Thom Tuck - Goes Straight to DVD
* Palmer & Stouton - Totally Tom
* O’Neill & Paul Valenti - The Chris and Paul Show (not yet reviewed to be fair)

So whose names can we expect to be read out on Saturday?  Like I said, it's a crime against the Arts if Adam Riches is not rewarded for a third consecutive perfect show.  For the Newcomer, you could see it as a straight fight between Josh Widdicombe and Humphrey Ker but given the split in the room (and far too many nominees) I'd hedge my bets on Cariad Lloyd instead.

The Fosters Comedy Awards Shortlist (Predictions)

So, the first panel meeting was yesterday and everyone is wondering who will make the final shortlist for the second Fosters Comedy Award in Edinburgh. Utilising my "reliable" predictive powers, and assuming the panel don't want to be responsible for another riot, they can't overlook Adam Riches for a third year. Likewise something is amiss if he isn't fighting it out with The Pajama Men - those two have been the pick of Edinburgh this year. Also likely to get a nod would be Glenn Wool and I wouldn't be surprised to see all-round nice guy Sammy J get a nomination too. These are certainly my top four shows.

As for the best newcomer, well this is much more of an open field. Possibly two shows that I only saw to review them, and so glad I did, could be in with a shout, namely Conor O'Toole and the team behind Armageddapocalypse. Also in with a shout are David Reed, Alistair Green and Henry Paker, the last two also only seen thanks to my very fortunate gig this year.

Could there be any surprise names? The Awards always seem to like that, plus Tim Fitzhigham has not yet been seen by yours truly but he will have been by this time tomorrow.

Conor O'Toole - Manual of Style

Conor O'Toole: Manual of Style - Delightful 8/10 show about fonts, typefaces and things that just shouldn't be funny but are!  It's up on Chortle.