I Can't Use My New Laptop Cover ... I'm Too Old!

There are many things I can pull off, even if I'm not supposed to. For example a laptop cover in people with the word 'miss' on it. However what even I can't pull off is when it arrives I see the full text is 'miss teenager'! I think I'd better return it and quick!

One More Thing... We'll Miss You Peter Falk

Sad news, Peter Falk has passed away.  Five years ago I saw him out for his Sunday morning walk in Beverley Hills and he was in great shape (and very friendly too, especially to three strangers on Segways).

EIFF Does "Best Of The Fest" U-Turn - Maybe You Missed It!

So, despite being told categorically on Monday (by staff from the Edinburgh International Film Festival) that there was no "Best of the Fest" this year, coupled with the fact that there is absolutely no mention of it in the brochure (despite the final Sunday being sparsely populated with films), I'm guessing this is either a very last minute decision / u-turn. This "Maybe You Have Missed" section comes out of nowhere today (time-stamped at 14:30), with tickets on sale at 10am tomorrow (although Filmhouse members could buy them since yesterday, before they were announce...).  Strange, for a festival that seems to be struggling with ticket sales (circumstantial evidence only for that, just reading their tweets and questions some journalists have posed to this year's Director), if it were planned you would have assumed they would have wanted a sales window as big possible, rather than just 48 hours.  Harsh people may say that smacks of not being able to organise a piss-up in a brewery, but then again, as someone who has actually organised a piss-up in a brewery (Stocks & Shots, Scotland's first Stock Market Bar in 2000 at the Caledonian Brewery), then maybe I should offer a comment...  But I won't.  It'd sadden me even more.

The End Of The Edinburgh Film Festival?

Ticket sales weren't great last year, this year they are tweeting away that they still have tickets left for many shows (except for Troll Hunter that is). Monday evening, apparently a must-see horror, Rabies, and there are a fair few empty seats in one of the smallest screens in Edinburgh. Not a good sign. Worst yet I walked out half way through as this clearly wasn't the great film I'd b been promised (a good film), it was laughably over-the-top without any grounding of reality (45 minutes in I was so bored I left before it wasted more of my time). So you cut the number of films in half and still manage to pick bad films... Really not a good sign! I think the only hope of salvation is moving back to August and getting in a better artistic director, one just half as good as Shane Danielson would make me very happy! My other ticket is going to be posted back to this year's (only had a contract until July) artistic director with a letter saying I didn't want to be disappointed again so I'd rather not use the ticket. Good bye old friend,  it was nice knowing you...  It seems you are now the sole refuge of industry folk, rather than film-watchers... :(

There Is No Best Of The Film Fest In 2011's EIFF

Well, Monday has come and gone which means that there is no "Best of the Fest" for this year's heavily cut down Edinburgh International Film Festival 2011.  There is space in the cinemas for the final Sunday but there are no mentions of it in the brochure or on the website.  It was one thing, three years ago moving the EIFF to June, but ditching the "Best of the Fest" is madness ... unless this is all leading up to an August date for "Best of the Fest 2011"?  Not sure if I'm keen on that idea...

Following the bold move by Hannah McGill (someone I am not a fan of) to separate the EIFF from the rest of the Edinburgh Festivals seemed to work initially (although I wasn't hugely impressed with the films selected each year).  No more clashes in August due to the late release of the EIFF planner and no more missed films due to tiredness.  Well, it worked for me.  According to the Herald, the Glasgow Film Festival has almost twice as many unique visitors and it's not even married up with the film industry (which may explain why the EIFF has some questionable selections)!  With half as many films showing this year, no longer any red carpets and Cineworld (best cinema in Edinburgh) ceasing to be one of the main venues, it looks like the EIFF is really struggling.

You can tell it's a sad state of affairs when I only try to book three tickets this year (and one of those was sold out but I'll catch it on main release in a few months).  Three more films were interesting but when they are out on general release in less than two months *and* tickets are now £9 without any special offers (like the previous 'buy five get a sixth free') then it's hard to find a compelling reason to visit the EIFF, which is a little bit heart-breaking.  Under Shane Danielson the EIFF introduced me to good films, to diversity, to unknown directors, great moments and controversy - all in the name of art.  I hope you manage to survive old friend, I'm off to the first of my only two films this year...

This Birthday Will Be Number Six!

Wow, six years of PhillG.com and 600 posts (the six-hundredth was my great urinals gag yesterday).  It's been a long time with a lot of fun, some world exclusives (Toy Story 3 European premiere date, my various resignations during this time) and quite a few great pieces of humour (still love "what medicine cures a broken heart?").  As it stands this is my longest on-going relationship (with a non-male) and by my birthday next year it will be my longest relationship of all time!  Scary...

It's Time To Play The Music, It's Time To Light The Lights...

It's time to meet The Muppets. [That line caught me in the back of my throat!]

The Green Light Will Save The World!

In brightest day, in darkest night, no evil shall escape my sight...

Good Reading Material In A London Pub ... The Fringe Guide?

Okay, this surprised even me!  Wander into a new bar with Andy, brief chat with the girl behind the bar and somehow I notice the gent behind me is reading this year's Edinburgh Fringe Guide only a week after it came out!  He's marking up shows he'll catch and naturally I provided him with a few good recommendations of upcoming stars-in-the-making (namely Adam Riches, Idiots of Ants and Boy With Tape On His Face).  Never realised the Fringe was so popular in London, despite over-hearing a conversation from last month...

Fun Past Time - Correct Spelling & Punctuation In Pubs!

Out drinking in London with Andy and one bar proudly claims to have "Londons largest selection of malt whiskey".  Well, as two Englishmen who are proudly associated with Scotland, we have to verify this and it turns out they have a very large selection (but no Highland Park and about 20 under a strange 'caledonian classics' label or something).  But what I took more offence to, was the lack of apostrophe in "Londons" and furthermore the fact that they are talking about Irish "whiskey" rather than Scottish "whisky".  Thankfully their sign was only written in chalk so a wet finger managed to correct their mistakes!

I Am Not A Number, I Am A Free Man! (Fourth Time!)

I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! My life is my own!  (Prior to that, and quiet appropriate for a salesman) I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned.

Be seeing you!  [BTW this has all happened before, but never in the Twittersphere...]

Will I Miss Anything About Musselburgh?

Something big is happening (check the Twittersphere tomorrow morning) and some people already know.  So will I miss anything about working in Musselburgh?  Well, I'd have to say yes, especially around this time of year.  What an adorable gooselet!

Seriously, How Old Am I?

Old enough to know better, but not old enough to stop having fun! This a few hours after I get asked "Is your friend [Neil] over 25?" ... he's a year older than me!!

Mr Dresden, We Love You, Please Come Back!

Subject: In-appropriate Advertising
Sent: Sunday 5th June 2011
To: Executive Office of Orange

Dear Sir / Madam,

I wish to complain about the strategic change Orange has made in the last year that is affecting myself and many of the people I know. Until approximately one year ago one of the highlights of visiting the cinema was your Gold Spot adverts featuring Mr. Dresden and the Orange Film Board. As a Marketing Manager by trade I find it hard to recall another series of adverts that so perfectly hit the correct balance of humour and engagement with the audience in such a short period of time.

Sadly your decision to give in to the product placement demands that you have so successfully satirised over the years (mocked may even be a better word given your recent switch) I am loathed to find myself at the end of the trailers and having to sit through an over-running and mind-numbing hybrid of the worst of a trailer and a brand-damaging name-drop.

Volume in the auditorium goes up as people of all ages quickly realise "oh, this is a heavily endorsed advert for a film that is neither as good as an individual trailer or a simple advert for Orange themselves". Due to the film-placement deals signed, your costs may have fallen significantly but the effectiveness of these adverts have dramatically plummeted. You are no longer a "smart" company for savvy film go-ers (read savvy phone consumers), instead you are now only engaging children briefly whilst adults switch off (figuratively) until the BBFC classification comes appears.

Please, for your own business interests and for all cinema go-ers UK wide, re-instate your Orange Film Board / Funding Studios with Mr Dresden and monitor how quickly the "feel good factor" returns to the results of this advertising spend. Until last year you had the magical X-factor with regards films, smart adverts and smart deals. Now you are just cheap. If not for the sake of your own business, then for the sake of art - which is what your previous adverts genuinely were.

Yours faithfully,

Phill

[If you are missing him too, why not look at all bar the last two of this playlist]

I Am Completely Green With Envy!

This will probably have me in tears...! #greenwithenvy http://youtu.be/6CloKbXtD28 or

Malibu Drinkers Like Nice Nails..?

So if I buy two Cranberry Coolers I get s free nail varnish... I have had a professional manicure before (in Thailand) but that's because I didn't have my nail care tools with me. What makes then think that I, like any other Malibu drinker, wants a free mail varnish...?

What Month Is It? What City Am I In?

Sitting in so pub over lunch today preparing for my next meeting near Buckingham Palace and I overhear one guy talking about how much he is looking forward to going up to the Edinburgh Festival and about his escapades last year when he mixed up when he was supposed to arrive in the flat he rented in Morningside. Later in the evening the MC for the Recruiter Awards is confirmed to be Dara O'brien and I get a few minutes with him after the show, begging him to do a full month back in Edinburgh (he's recording a DVD in the Playhouse though) and talking about some other comics who are coming (like Dave Gorman!). Have I jumped forward 3 months? This behaviour is usually reserved for August..!

Half Of You Scots Should Be Ashamed, Especially You*

What a Cinco de Mayo it was yesterday! In Scotland we had the most important day in several years... Election Day. Sadly it seems that there was less than 50% turnout *despite* the fact that every vote counts in Scotland. Unlike last year's Westminster elections, where (not my) Darling won by a very healthy majority in my area, this year my vote actually 'counts' as we have full on Proportional Representation (way better than the half-arsed AV and by comparison it makes First Past The Post look nothing like democracy!). Yet despite this, and more powers being devolved to Holyrood in the next 12 months, people still didn't vote. Even someone who voted in all of the elevations in the last 8 years, in person, by post and once by proxy (!), didn't vote as they never updated their registered address. Disappointing... Still, they can't complain as they chose to mute their only voice that would have been heard.

* It's not hard to work out who I'm talking about!

Tesco Sell Single Use TVs for £400!

It seems Tesco are now viewing 40' TVs are impulse items, given this display one the first aisle of their giant Extra store. What better reason to buy a new TV than the fact that it's 'ideal for watching the royal wedding on'...?  Stop the world, I want to get off now...

Another New Cocktail Invented By Yours Truly!

For all the people out there who aren't big gin fans (how could anyone not love Blackwoods...?), this is for you.  Take a whisky glass, add a shot of vodka, a shot of lime, squeeze in a quarter of lime and lace the rim with its juice, top with (Slimline) tonic.  There you have a refreshing drink that takes the best of vodka, lime and soda and merges it with the best of gin and tonic.  The name of this sure-fire hit for the summer...?  VLT (as in vodka, lime & tonic, sort of...)