Will I Miss Anything About Musselburgh?

Something big is happening (check the Twittersphere tomorrow morning) and some people already know.  So will I miss anything about working in Musselburgh?  Well, I'd have to say yes, especially around this time of year.  What an adorable gooselet!

Seriously, How Old Am I?

Old enough to know better, but not old enough to stop having fun! This a few hours after I get asked "Is your friend [Neil] over 25?" ... he's a year older than me!!

Mr Dresden, We Love You, Please Come Back!

Subject: In-appropriate Advertising
Sent: Sunday 5th June 2011
To: Executive Office of Orange

Dear Sir / Madam,

I wish to complain about the strategic change Orange has made in the last year that is affecting myself and many of the people I know. Until approximately one year ago one of the highlights of visiting the cinema was your Gold Spot adverts featuring Mr. Dresden and the Orange Film Board. As a Marketing Manager by trade I find it hard to recall another series of adverts that so perfectly hit the correct balance of humour and engagement with the audience in such a short period of time.

Sadly your decision to give in to the product placement demands that you have so successfully satirised over the years (mocked may even be a better word given your recent switch) I am loathed to find myself at the end of the trailers and having to sit through an over-running and mind-numbing hybrid of the worst of a trailer and a brand-damaging name-drop.

Volume in the auditorium goes up as people of all ages quickly realise "oh, this is a heavily endorsed advert for a film that is neither as good as an individual trailer or a simple advert for Orange themselves". Due to the film-placement deals signed, your costs may have fallen significantly but the effectiveness of these adverts have dramatically plummeted. You are no longer a "smart" company for savvy film go-ers (read savvy phone consumers), instead you are now only engaging children briefly whilst adults switch off (figuratively) until the BBFC classification comes appears.

Please, for your own business interests and for all cinema go-ers UK wide, re-instate your Orange Film Board / Funding Studios with Mr Dresden and monitor how quickly the "feel good factor" returns to the results of this advertising spend. Until last year you had the magical X-factor with regards films, smart adverts and smart deals. Now you are just cheap. If not for the sake of your own business, then for the sake of art - which is what your previous adverts genuinely were.

Yours faithfully,

Phill

[If you are missing him too, why not look at all bar the last two of this playlist]

I Am Completely Green With Envy!

This will probably have me in tears...! #greenwithenvy http://youtu.be/6CloKbXtD28 or

Malibu Drinkers Like Nice Nails..?

So if I buy two Cranberry Coolers I get s free nail varnish... I have had a professional manicure before (in Thailand) but that's because I didn't have my nail care tools with me. What makes then think that I, like any other Malibu drinker, wants a free mail varnish...?

What Month Is It? What City Am I In?

Sitting in so pub over lunch today preparing for my next meeting near Buckingham Palace and I overhear one guy talking about how much he is looking forward to going up to the Edinburgh Festival and about his escapades last year when he mixed up when he was supposed to arrive in the flat he rented in Morningside. Later in the evening the MC for the Recruiter Awards is confirmed to be Dara O'brien and I get a few minutes with him after the show, begging him to do a full month back in Edinburgh (he's recording a DVD in the Playhouse though) and talking about some other comics who are coming (like Dave Gorman!). Have I jumped forward 3 months? This behaviour is usually reserved for August..!

Half Of You Scots Should Be Ashamed, Especially You*

What a Cinco de Mayo it was yesterday! In Scotland we had the most important day in several years... Election Day. Sadly it seems that there was less than 50% turnout *despite* the fact that every vote counts in Scotland. Unlike last year's Westminster elections, where (not my) Darling won by a very healthy majority in my area, this year my vote actually 'counts' as we have full on Proportional Representation (way better than the half-arsed AV and by comparison it makes First Past The Post look nothing like democracy!). Yet despite this, and more powers being devolved to Holyrood in the next 12 months, people still didn't vote. Even someone who voted in all of the elevations in the last 8 years, in person, by post and once by proxy (!), didn't vote as they never updated their registered address. Disappointing... Still, they can't complain as they chose to mute their only voice that would have been heard.

* It's not hard to work out who I'm talking about!

Tesco Sell Single Use TVs for £400!

It seems Tesco are now viewing 40' TVs are impulse items, given this display one the first aisle of their giant Extra store. What better reason to buy a new TV than the fact that it's 'ideal for watching the royal wedding on'...?  Stop the world, I want to get off now...

Another New Cocktail Invented By Yours Truly!

For all the people out there who aren't big gin fans (how could anyone not love Blackwoods...?), this is for you.  Take a whisky glass, add a shot of vodka, a shot of lime, squeeze in a quarter of lime and lace the rim with its juice, top with (Slimline) tonic.  There you have a refreshing drink that takes the best of vodka, lime and soda and merges it with the best of gin and tonic.  The name of this sure-fire hit for the summer...?  VLT (as in vodka, lime & tonic, sort of...)

I Want You, I Don't Know If I Need You...

Let's hope there's a but coming and she'd "...die to find out".
One things for sure, she's sweet like drinking

NB:  Had to change it from "sweet like a chica cherry cola" as it was confusing too many people.  Either way Savage Garden still rock!

15 Years Ago We Lost The Boys From London

In a pre-internet proliferation age, the death of two icons sadly happened just over 15 years ago, on 21st January 1996, and sadly the world did not seem to know.  This morning I learnt of the passing of Edem Ephraim and Dennis Fuller, better known as the London Boys, due to a drunk driver trying to overtake on the wrong side of the road in the Austrian Alps.  This Requiem is for you both.  Never gonna get enough...  In fact your album was the first album I ever bought (as a record obviously).  Let's hear about London Nights one more time...

Fast Car = No Respect For Emergency Services?

I've got a fast car, I'm gonna drive it anywhere... But I'm wondering if this person actually respects the Emergency Services? Or is he just pro-European and wants us to use 112?

A Healthy, Sugar-Free 'Juice' Drink

For some reason Irn Bru is deciding to advertise in Scotland. England (through the Super League) I get, but Scotland? They've also decided to re-brand their Diet version to Sugar-Free, probably to make it clear it is the healthier option. Shame then that they use Scottish slang describing it as a 'can of juice'. What exactly did you juice (verb) to get that liquid, girders..? No wonder Scotland has health issues when the slang terms are being endorsed through advertising.

The Best Design Of Plastic Water Bottles

Simply take the usefulness of expensive aluminium containers and in turn make a very cool cap for a one litre bottle. Well done Grupo Damm, the guys behind Estrella lager!

Someone's Car Needs Somebody...

This car needs somebody, but ideally not a Police Officer...

How I Decorate The Table For A Chinese Takeaway

I know what you are thinking, but the only person I am trying to impress tonight is me! So no change there then... Still, it beats putting older roses straight in the bin!

Fire Safety Can Be Practical Too

Are you frustrated with a large fire resistant door that auto-closes and a sign reading 'Fire Door Keep Closed' that just doesn't look cool when opened and potentially puts your customers at risk? Then why not wedge it open with a matching fire extinguisher? Remember, fire kills but subverting fire saftey can look stylish...

The New And Original Bulmers Is Berry Good

The real Bulmers (known as Magners in the UK, read why here) has a great new flavour out in Ireland called Berry. It's made of raspberries and strawberries, plus apples of course. Strangely though the Irish haven't experienced the Golden Draft slightly sweeter less tart version we have.

Is Hanging (In A Modern Art Galley) Too Good For Me?

I guess that's the question ever self-obsessed egotist has to ask, is my art hanging in the National Gallery of Ireland too good for me? Probably not. So here is my first entry, currently hanging in the Moderns exhibit celebrating modern art. It's simply called 'Future'.

Where Is Gate 8 In Edinburgh Airport?

Short answer, it doesn't exist! For some bizarre unknown reason, Edinburgh Airport does not have a gate numbered 8. It has a 13 which is usually a superstitious number but as you can see from this picture, it goes Gate 7 then 9 (and the other side of the building is Security checkpoints. In all seriousness I emailed them asking why but no one has ever bothered to reply... Can anyone think of a good reason to omit Gate 8?