What makes people think I love the Assembly Rooms? It’s a good building and a great set of venues but I don’t think anyone could really love it. So with that in mind why have people tried to hand me flyers this evening saying ‘more comedy in the same venue’. It’s probably […]
The Beeb are running a story that some “hacker” has discovered which two characters die at the end of the sixth and (hopefully) final Harry Potter book. Why? If it’s not true and just “another theory” (according to the publishers) then why print it? Thinking there is more truth to the story, I did […]
Please do not shoot me done for being derogatory to women. It was Neil McRobie that spoke this little entry first. Women can now post topless pictures of themselves online (gasp) and men will pay to see them (shock). What is the Internet coming to? It seems men are willing to […]
I am reliably informed by a colleague, let’s call him Richard B - no, let’s call him R. Brook, that a dog school in Edinburgh refuses, point blank, to accept West Highland Terriers into their class as they are too stupid to learn anything! Maybe the only thing they are good for is turning […]
Fear, pain and suffering. Now in return they get to come to the UK as part of the even bigger and better (or new and improved, either way they are both oxymorons) EU come January 1st. I refer of course, in no particular order, to Vlad Dracula, Michael Howard and The Cheeky Girls. […]
What a guy I am! 24 Krispy Kreme Doughnuts bought for my coleagues back in Edinburgh, from Harrods, out of the kindness out of my heart. What’s that Donald? I can’t carry these on the plane in case I use them to take over the plane (will the huge sugar intake give […]
What are Edinburgh Airport thinking? Three coffin lids in a row where people are sitting waiting to board a plane. It’s enough to drive you to drink! Fortunately there is a Whetherspoons in the back of the shot. Damn it, I’ve spilled my drink on my shoes. Where can I […]
This can’t be right. I’d have noticed this before. Does no one check a simple plumb line before erecting a lamppost? Maybe it’s designed to reach the places other street lights can’t reach, like under cars? [Incidentally there are no signs of an accident or anything to cause this to happen]
On the back of the packet it says “Put a smile on your cheeks with Andrex ® lightly moistened toilet tissue to leave you fresher, cleaner and up for anything”. I’m sorry what was that last promise? Maybe innocent people who suddenly feel “up for anything” will think, ‘well, it’s so clean now […]
I was going to get a t-shirt printed for this weekend’s Death Slide with “I do all my own stunts” printed on it, a la Adam Savage. Instead I think I will get one with “I bust all my own myths” instead…
So Phill, what meat based myth do we have this week? Well […]
“1. Murray Thrashes Roddick” and “2. England Crash Out”.
Maybe the sub-headline could be “England’s Dream Is Stamped Out”. You heard it here first.
I am actually backing Germany now that England are out (this is not a joke), I have a very good German friend and so that’s my closed allegiance. I did […]
Budweiser (that American pale lager) is proud to sponsor the World Cup in Germany - no authentic beers here! McDonalds are also also proud to sponsor the FIFA World Cup 2006. What rubbish! If I had enough money does that mean I can make foot cancer the “official” cancer of the World […]
Pirated DVDs won’t be the only place to see X-Men: The Last Stand this summer. Some people will chose to watch on a much bigger screen and pay over the cost of the DVD for one showing. The sound levels will be beyond their control and the dialogue will be continually interrupted by […]
KT has just reached a massive target in her job and has been rewarded with a mystery prize. I fear I’m going to be very disappointed. To me a mystery prize should be something like a large block of wood, 1m x 1m x 1.5m high. Is that the prize? Is […]
So it seems the country has screwed up again. All this hysteria over bird flu, all these draconian restrictions hastily put in place were all for nothing. It turns out the swan that died of bird flu and posed a threat to all our lives was not a native British mute swan, it […]
Here’s the situation as I see it. You can’t now eat eggs or poultry due to this bird flu hysteria (you have to feel sorry for Asda who have had all their chicken products proudly labelled “sourced from Scotland”). Beef is out because of mad cow disease and you shouldn’t go near vegetables […]
Ban any public gathering of birds at first and then round up all the birds one by one and lock up up without just cause, say that you vaguely suspect them of knowing another bird who is manufacturing a biological weapon. Next take samples of all their DNA even though they are not guilty […]
Sir Mingis Campbell (look it’s spelled Menzies but I don’t want any person with no Scottish knowledge pronouncing it Men-zies) has just won the leadership contest of the Lib Dems. Inevitable tabloid headlines are bound to follow the second he does something ruthless, calling him Ming the Merciless. Does that mean in the […]
In previous years I have written about the toilets in Mal Maison in Stockbridge (a giant mirror with a continual waterfall in front of it) or the unisex wash area of Bar 38 in George Street (thankfully they finally introduced dividers in the circular urinal), but the crown has to go to Ikea in Edinburgh. […]
Friday and Saturday night we played Cranium (get game, loads of fun). Each night the situations inspired me to come out with a truly amusing line that I am very happy with. The first night I read the yellow Spellbound question which was “Spell the word ‘isthmus’”. I wasn’t certain how to […]
This is just plain wrong. Instead of petitioning to get monkeys the right to vote, some activists have made so many threats to the people behind a guinea pig farm that breeds them for medical research that they’ve decided to close. I’m disgusted. What else can you do with guinea pigs except […]
It’s official, I accept I didn’t make the cut The first script I’ve properly produced and it never made the “long list” in the BBC’s competition The Last Laugh. Basically you had to choose a half written sitcom and write the second half. The winning one would be made into a […]
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